Women like men

January 15, 1996 village

I’m happily overwhelmed. Everyone’s crazy here. That’s it. I walked into my family's house, saw too many men’s shoes in the doorway, and did a quick turn towards the women’s house. S ran after me and led me back and into the men’s room where the muldeer asked me to marry him. Whether I agreed or not didn’t really matter because he already decided who and whom not I could talk to. S, yes. M, no. The big guy that was visiting asked me what I did in perfect English. A minute after I sat next to him, enough to get halfway through Peace Corps goal number two, the muldeer announced that it was time for them to leave. I told him it was my business who I choose to talk to and that I was not, nor ever, would be married to him. He said, what about my son then?

Ever since I went to sleep last night I’ve been agitated by thoughts of K. Not good thoughts-- skeptical, mistrustful, jealous thoughts. Replaying old visits I began wondering where he had been every night he came in drunk at 3:00 in the morning. Now I’m wondering who’s bed he’s really sleeping in and all kinds of other grotesque thoughts that I don’t want to deal with. I’ve got just a slight doubt today. A thought I recently read went something like this: Even the most intelligent women can be fooled by lying manipulative men. Am I one of them?

Tfoo! I wish I could wipe him away. I think of him as this sort of special magician that is afraid of his own powers. He’s got some kind of powers. How did he get them?

It’s like, we all want things in life. We either find ways to get them or we fantasize about having it. What kind of man do I want? What kind of career? When it comes along and we see that it’s all we ever wanted plus all the other crud we never asked for, do we start dreaming up new fantasies to escape the crud, and therefore also give up all we thought we wanted? Or do we try to find it somewhere else without the crud? Is there always the crud? Perhaps.

I’m drinking a Coca-Cola and eating a mix of plain M&Ms, candy corns, and marshmallows, listening to good music in a good blanket. The sky is blue and the air is crisp. I’ve laughed myself to tears more times then I can count in the last few hours. What more could I ask for?

I saw Nadia’s aunt today. She asked how I liked her village. I told her it’s wonderful. Her reply surprised me after I said it seemed like my village. She said, eyeh, teemgahreen zoond eergazen. Yes, the women are like the men. Her friend replied with, eeshwoah ghaykan. It’s great like that.

Our village had a talent show at 7 pm, no lie. Most of the village was present. I mean we’re talking stage, lights, and microphone. The performers ranged from pre-school age to high school. After each performed their joke, song, or theatre, one by one, as they stepped forward and bowed, everyone clapped.