What is Normal?

December 16 village

I heard this on the BBC at 11:

A good-looking woman in uniform got off the plane swinging her pack over her back. When asked what she thought about going to Bosnia, she said, “Well, it’s our job. But I just got married and I hate to leave my daughter.”

I heard a knock at my door and didn’t answer. It wasn’t persistent enough. Though if it were I wouldn’t answer it anyway. I have become a hurricane that has demolished this room. Everything is everywhere, and will not be cleaned up until I’m ready to leave.

The bird perched up on the wooden beam sleeping tonight…this means something to me. I don’t know what yet, but one day I know it will mean more. There is a reason it keeps coming back.

I walked with R through the village to the riverbed at sunset. This is a place I’ve wanted to go for a long time now. I wanted to see if there was any sign of seashells as is such with Liz’s village two hours away, to see if this desert was once under the ocean. It’s like a moonscape looking uphill of this huge riverbed of cratered rock and two places of constantly flowing water, a spring of sorts. One day I will find the source.

R said, staring off to the distance at the women watching us, “They must think we’re crazy to be here at this time.” Jumping from one rock to another she said, “People don’t come here at this time of the day because ‘b’smila’ this is the time the spirits come out. Say b’smila (in the name of God). But we’re not afraid now are we?”

Walking back towards the village, off to the burnt-orange mud and green fields sprouting barley, I turned around towards the mountains. “It’s beautiful,” I said, “this red sky. Look! We don’t have skies like this R.” But then again, we don’t have the Sahara in the states either.

I told S today that this village is not normal. All the friends that have visited agree. It started when I used a God phrase to Mohamed and he said it was only used with children. Yea, here, I said, but if you go to Liz’ site, that’s all you’ll here. God phrase after God phrase. 

They’re polite there, he asked? Yes.

Yea, he continued, you think they’re polite because they wait to talk about you until you’ve walked away. Here, the people will say what they think to your face. They’re direct.

I said, this place is not normal. It’s wonderful, but it’s not normal. S asked for examples. This is the desert and yet it’s green. There’s always water. This is not normal. Most women speak Arabic as well as Tashlheit. This is not normal. Most women and children have visited or lived in the big cities. This is not normal. Half of the Elementary school is girls. This is not normal. All the village uses the health center. This is not normal.

Then M added. There is always alcohol. This is not normal. There are three bastard children living in this small village. This is not normal. We just had a fun run that included girls. This is not normal.

I told them about this last trip to Rabat, where I sat around a big table of twenty volunteers and three from USAID, one being the director. Three of us were chosen to give a general description of our villages. I went last. After they finished, they all agreed. My village is not normal.

It was nice to be able to express how I feel about the village to the actual people I’m talking about. I shouldn’t lock myself up in this room like I’ve been doing. I’m missing out on too much while inside these doors.

Further conversation with S about marriage after dinner. I said, I don’t think I can do it. Why not Dorian? Because marriage is forever S. Because I’m afraid the same thing will happen that happened with my parents. 

That’s just one example, M said sitting on the floor, pointing one finger up in the air. Ok then, I said, because I’m difficult. And why are you so difficult? asked S.

Because of how I am.

I know what you mean. That’s why you have to find someone like you. You don’t want a guy that doesn’t do nothin’. He needs a head, a good strong head. The body? Well, the body can always change. The head, no. He needs serious brains. He said, you need someone that has a good head and that is patient with you, someone that will go slowly. But the body? The body does have to work Dorian, and he grinned and continued. 

Women here.... yea, ok, he doesn’t have money. No problem. He’s kind of ugly. No problem. But if that man can’t get it up, they’ll run away. Divorce immediately.

M added, you know that’s one of the few ways women can divorce in Islam. Yes, I know, I said. How do you know? Fatima Mernissi. Oooooo, S says, now she’s difficult.